stressed out

Your body often becomes the depository for your anger. When an emotion is not fully expressed, some of that energy or charge can transform itself into physical tension. Clenched jaws don’t happen overnight, they happen from years of holding frustration in your body. After a while, these tight jaws can increase your reaction through, enhancing the feeling of anger. It is as if the tension in your body starts to act as a computer virus running the system on its own.

The converse is also true – if you release the body, you will release old emotions. Thirty years ago, when I discovered Rolfing, a respected form of bodywork, I had no idea how much my emotions would let go. Stalking out good bodywork will significantly enhance any lake draining. The bonus is that the bodywork will aid you in increasing your body/mind awareness, thereby thwarting the rage attacks.

Psychotherapy and anger

Good therapy can be a useful tool to transforming rage. Psychotherapy that integrates the body into its process is generally quicker. Going further into your head or learning more coping skills will not heal the rage. “People who have a lot of anger invest a lot of energy in trying to control it, and that kind of friction is likely to increase the probability of a heart attack,” says Charles Spielberger, Ph.D., a University of South Florida psychologist who developed the leading test to measure anger. True control comes when you shift from attempting to repress the anger, which eventually explodes, to allowing your natural responses to take over in their smaller increments of expression.

If you are to go the therapy route, you need to find a therapist who is not afraid of his or her anger. Interview therapists; push them about how they deal with anger. You are not looking for someone who will placate your anger. What you are looking for is someone who will teach your new skills of being fully expressive. Trust your gut here.

As you learn to express all your emotions, the tension will not erupt into rage. You will start to identify patterns; you can begin alerting rage response earlier in the process.

Don’t become one of the statistics

More than 30,000 heart attacks each year are triggered by transitory anger, according to a 2004 Harvard study. These heart attacks occur because an acute anger episode actually builds on many previous episodes. These same men are part of the group that are three times more likely to develop premature cardiovascular disease, or a stroke, and six times more likely to have an early heart attack. Charles Spielberger, Ph.D claims, “The more intense the anger, the more likely the heart attack.”

You can reduce your anger intensity to a point where you express anger appropriately for the situation. You can stop having anger rule you. When anger is primarily making sure your boundaries are honored, your anger returns to acting asa servant for you.

The macho archetype of a man who does not express vulnerable emotions yet can explode on a moment’s notice is outdated. Also gone is the archetype of the sensitive man who serves women only to repress his aggressive side going to work. As men, we are beginning to learn to express our feelings and to receive love. Converting our rage into an anger ally can bring healing to our heart as well as our gender.