stressed out

How to heal rage

“People with this problem [IED] have an insufficient ’stop’ response,” says neurophysiologist Royce Lee, M.D. The power of built-up emotions override any conscious control. Creating more coping behaviors is not the answer. Learning anger management will not do it. Counting to 10, over-exercising, using drugs and alcohol only buries the anger further and can deny the seriousness of your rage. You need to heal the rage – the PTSD of anger.

You must develop methods of going to the cause of the problem. The first step is to get sober about your anger and rage. Your explosions of anger can be diffused before they even begin to occur. Releasing the old stress and trauma is what will transform an automatic, repeating behavior into an appropriate response.

Averting rage

Draining the lake of anger is hard work. It takes determination to release the original stress or trauma. It doesn’t happen in the moment of reaction (screaming at the sales clerk). It happens when you are not in reaction. You do it in the pre-rage moments – those times when you just feel a small irritation.

In the past, you would have ignored those little thoughts and feelings until they built up to a temper tantrum. You start by setting the intent to first be aware of those “petit mal” anger episodes. Awareness is a skill we were never taught. If we were taught anything, it was non-awareness, like when we were told to grin and bear it.

Use your body to learn awareness, specifically your breath. As you focus on what your body does under stress, or how you hold your breath all the time, you will begin to catch emotions sooner and sooner. When anger starts to creep up as a held breath or clenched jaw, you have a chance to express your anger in the moment before it builds into rage.

Rage lake-draining

Stating how you feel about what a person just said or did stops the escalation of anger to rage while breaking an old pattern of repressing those “stupid emotions.” With each expression of pre-rage anger a little of the lake of anger is drained out. You begin to build a new skill-set of behaviors that fit the situation.

To increase the draining of the rage lake you can go out in nature and let it go. This is best done under the supervision of someone who has experience with rage and can monitor you. I say this because if you really get into truly expressing your anger/rage, the levies may burst and you can feel out of control. That said – going out in the desert or some forest where you can scream and throw rocks is hugely healing. These settings maybe your only safe place to lose it.

As the anger that became rage drains off, you may discover old grief or fear. Let them go also. From 30 years of doing this for myself and helping others through the process, I have seen some unexpected effects. As the old, embedded emotions start to release, the old traumas begin to complete themselves. Your body and your emotions may experience feelings you never had before. The unraveling allows for the old emotions and their physical analogues to let go. Having support can make the process much easier and quicker.

On-going support

One excellent resource for men is an international non-profit called the ManKind Project. They offer weekend experiential trainings throughout the world. Even better than their powerful trainings is their network of men’s groups. These groups usually meet once a week. They are not the standard support group, where the focus is around a problem that often becomes self-perpetuating. The ManKind Project weekly groups focus on assisting men to be fully successful. Supporting a man through draining his rage lake is what they are about.

To be continued….